Pumpkin Soup

a weblog with an allotment attached

21 February 2008

Cooking with gas

Although I am in the frankly enviable position of being able to work from home much of the time, and while this does mean that the stress of my working day can be diluted through time spent in the garden or in a cosy lunch with my gardening assistant, the last day or two have been pretty challenging work-wise.

I don’t write about my work in detail here and that’s how it’s going to stay – it’s just not what I want P’Soup for. But I will say that I am struggling to get loads written for a fast-approaching and important (to me) deadline. It’s not that hard for me to write about myself which is why I can spout any old guff up here without too much difficulty. But the kind of writing that requires accuracy and attention to detail and justification for everything stated? Well, that’s a whole different kind of potato for chitting. I manage to squeeze out a couple of hundred words and then my stomach tightens into horrible knots of panic. I have to get up from the computer, take deep breaths and walk around. Maybe have a hug or stroke the cat. Then I can take a few deep breaths, sit down and try some more until the terror strikes again.

Still, in spite of the difficulty wrenching the words from inside me, I seem to have finally reached a point where I am managing to get the work done without too much pain, and I find myself in the very unusual position of actually feeling pretty good about what I have produced. The amount I still have to do makes my head spin, but I appear to have discovered that I work well when feeling dizzy.

As long as I don’t get so scared that I throw up.

Filed under: Writing — Clare @ 10:32 pm


1 response

  1. OyaD

    A fellow writer friend of mine calls this “imposterphobia”. Every writer has it; the fear that they are merely playacting, don’t have a clue what they’re really writing about or saying, and that someday in the near future someone will come up behind them and whisper in their ear, “We know. We know all about you. Pack up and off you go, before we tell EVERYONE.”

    It’s supposed to strike at least once a week…and if it doesn’t, well that’s because you aren’t REALLY a writer in the first place, at which point someone will come up behind you and say, “We know….”

    (02.03.08 @ 8:23 am)

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